Mother|Daughter Love|Hate Relationship

There's a theory said that strong mom will yield weak children.  I am not sure if the other way around is true (i . e . : weak mom yield strong children (?))

I was brought up in 70s and 80s. May be it's the era where the way we were brought-up,  when we need to obey our parents sometimes without question asked.  And I being the rebel in the family,  I was the one in constant battle with my mom.

My first drama was when I overheard that I was about to be aborted at the beginning of pregnancy because I was the 3rd child (my eldest sister passed away few months after I was born,  then I became the 2nd),  and my mom's pregnancy is within a short distance apart.  I whine about my being unwanted child and make a big drama out of that,  even if I know I was treated no difference than my elder brother.

Then there's a big fight between mom and me when I want to get baptized and she objected.  I brought all things being unwanted child and all,  crying, while my mom pray to her Guan Yin Goddess - - also crying,  and my dad got caught in the middle of all those drama. And of course I always had my dad on my side.

May be this sibling rivalry also didn't make it any better for all of us.  I constantly think that my elder brother received more attention that I do.  Although now I took it as a sign that my mom has a big trust in me that she let me do things my way.

Later on,  we also had big disagreement when I want to study abroad and my mom won't allow a girl to go that far for studying. May be that was my attempt to go far away from her. Although,  once again,  dad came to the rescue.

Until one day,  my dad passed away,  and I knew that my mom had done all the might in her humanly power to keep me and my brothers in university.

Another big fight was when I started to go out with my boyfriend (that is currently my husband),  she objected to make choice and even try to introduce me to other guy.  Now that I have my girl,  I realize,  that for any mom,  no man is good enough to take care of her daughter.

I even hated my mom that she fretted about why I chose natural  birth when I had my first child,  knowing that I have a low pain threshold.  She said that I should've opted for caesarean instead (which is what I end up having after hours of unfruitful labor in which the baby's heart rate drops everytime I was in excruciating pain).

I feel that in my every step of way,  I need to prove myself that I'm worthy enough and that I am up to my mom's standard,  even now.

Yet,  now,  as I am maturing,  I realized that all her fussiness,  all her preppiness,  is because she cares for me,  in a way that I might not understand then. She might be afraid that I don't have a nice life (in the way she can provide me),  she concerned about how I would take sub-zero weather abroad (while she knows I sleep with blanket on at 30C weather), she worried that I suffer more than I can take (while giving birth),  she wants to make sure that I will have good life ahead (in the way that she knows that may be just different from what I want). She became lver-protective because she cares,  and she cares a lot. Sometimes too much.

But I know she really cared for me,  when she cancel all her schedule to accompany me during my three times delivery,  and soon,  during my surgery. Right when I thought no one would be able to accompany me.

And the best compliments that I received from my mom,  that I exceed her standard,  when I sent her life orchids for her birthday (my mom has been a big fan of orchids),  and weeks after weeks it continues to bloom,  it's like I keep giving her flower long after the birthday has passed.  She said that was the best give that she ever received,  ever.

My mom,  my hero,  my role-model,  my friend,  my arch-enemy.  And if anything happen during my surgery,  please tell her I love her when you see her...

12/08/14