Woman was created from the rib of man...
not from his head to be above him...
nor from his feet to be walked upon...
but from his side to be equal...
near his arm to be protected...
and close to his heart to be loved
I was on the phone this morning with one of my female friend. She told story about how her husband had cheated on her... with his old girlfriend, a girlfriend that he was involved with before they get married. And they've been married for more than 6 years, now.
Before this incident, they have had a 5 years old boy, and recently they have 1 miscarriage when she's 4-month pregnant. After that miscarriage, her husband was very angry at her, thought that she has caused her miscarriage. While she thought that the baby refused to live because her husband continuously talked about "if it's girl, i'll give the baby away. I'll only take it if it's boy" (a common talk in Chinese family, where boy was sought as the descendant to the family name and honor, while girl was viewed to be just a burden, since they'll be taken by the husband's family when she got married).
And there was this talk (at that time she considered it as a joke), her husband said, if she cannot give another son, there's a lady who wants to bear his son. She only need to sign the agreement for under-table marriage.
How she found out? He acted strangely, leaving the bathroom door open, so that he could keep an eye on his cell-phone; pocketing his cell-phone even when he slept; came home late everyday and refused to eat dinner everyday. Then once, she opened his cell-phone only to found out messages from this lady, thanking him for buying her presents and giving her money.
She was furious and angry, reporting what happened to her mother-in-law. The whole family scolded him for having an affair, but he defended himself and said that he just tried to help because his lady-friend had cancer.
My friend was far from assertive, she always appeared (what my husband called) under-pressure, because her strong-willed husband. She also thought that her family is far from wealthy, which is the opposite from her husband family. But to my amazement, she dared to confront and even scold her husband and his lady-friend, to save her marriage.
She also mentioned that all the affair that his husband started, probably because she refused sex with him so often. Then flowed the story from her childhood where she was molested by her own cousin. The cousin who was brought up in her family because her aunty died when he was little. The cousin who has died of brain cancer few years ago. The cousin who liked her more than she wished for, who always try to touch her while no one is watching. The cousin whom she tried to avoid when she realized what he tried to do to her.
And she never dares talking to her parent about that... such a shame... never dares to confront her cousin... since the last time she ask him to leave the house, her mother was very angry to her and think that she's too much. Still not dare to report to her mom what had happened.
And that all this time, sex is no more than pain.. and pain.. Since the first night with her husband. And now, she even has more excuse not to have sex with her husband, because her husband has cheated on her.
All of us has problems... and it's very important to share your problem with those you trust. Seek for help, I told my friend. Her husband is willing to accompany her to a famous sexologist here in Jakarta. I said, GO, seek for help... Don't let this situation worsen. Your marriage might depend on you.
I wish everything will be alright with her... God protects...
