Being Chinese in Indonesia

I am third generation of Chinese descendants in Indonesia.  All of my grandparents from both side either mom or dad,  was born in China and spend their childhood there until sometime in their young adult moved to Indonesia for a better living.

Being Chinese who were born in 60s and 70s is a continuous struggle about our identity.  New Order under Soeharto has banned all Chinese schools in mid 60s, leaving my mom and dad (we was born in 40s) no choice but enter workforce (or marriage for female).  My uncles and aunts who were born in 50s even have to stop getting education because moving to another system (Indonesian and Holland)  was almost impossible. My uncles who were creme de la creme of the family were sent to China, to study (which was faced with the Cultural Revolution which prohibit them from actually going to school and end up working as well, but that's gonna be another full article on itself).

We were not allowed to use Chinese language,  read Chinese books.  Even the Chinese new year,  we celebrated it as casually as possible.  Barongsai was never on the street like now.  I remembered one holiday in 1985 where we were suppose to enter China (at that time Indonesia didn't have diplomatic relationship with China),  and we were constantly reminded not to allow our passport to be stamped in China border.  We had to make sure that our travel,  in the eye of the immigration authorities,  never went beyond Hongkong).

Living with my superstitious mom (as my husband often mockingly accused) and my superstitious mom-in-law, however, has opened my opportunity to widen my horizon about Chinese culture. The hidden rituals, the forgotten calculations, the ignored habits.

Being Chinese is constantly reminded that: M A L E   >   F E M A L E , due to patrilineal and patriachal social construction. Male is regarded as breeding the next generation who will bear the family name, will be the bread-winner of the family (usually involving taking care of the aging parents). Female on the other hand, will be lost after grown-ups, became the asset of her husband's family (and being the reproduction machine).

Being Chinese is painful truth that you don't belong. You don't belong in China where people called you Qiao Ren (overseas). You don't belong in Indonesia where people called you  CINA  as an insult. Even if you were born in Indonesia, never set your foot in China, cannot speak chinese, and your ancestors have been here for generations.

Being Chinese is often regarded as  R I C H  and  C O R R U P T , even if the richest in Forbes or Fortune lists are mostly indigeneous family who has been in power for sometime.  And even if the average of Chinese are richer than the average of indigeneous people, it's more because chinese are hardworking, minding their own business, cunning, and have an extensive network to back up the business.

No matter how hard we work to keep the company running and avoid lay offs, to feed our employees (which today is 5 times harder than it was in previous years), we will never be good enough, or kind enough.

And sadly, it's our own Vice President who keep echoing that economic inequality in Indonesia is because Chinese who is majority Confucianist and Christians. 

http://m.republika.co.id/amp_version/olz3yu382

Why such kind of insinuation while few hand picked indigenous people own mounting wealth from financial reengineering, power exert, collusion, and combination of all those. 

And why he said that in Moluccas who is also one of minority and poor area. Why he also fails to acknowledge that the rich chinese that he points out got their wealth from special concessions granted by President during New Order (late 60's to late 90's).

I guess as Chinese we have to keep chewing bitter pills as hard core truth that HERE, we are UNWANTED and dispensable. 

I would teach my kids to love this country, and at the same time realizing that this is probably one-sided love. I hope when they grown up, either Indonesia has imporved (eventhough these few months things seem to be bleak), that they don't have to make a choice to keep caling Indonesia their MOTHERLAND. 

Or else, I pray that my kids will have the means and opportunity and capability to leave and find a new place they can call HOMELAND. 

Only time will tell.

Cibubur, 13 May 2017

(19 years from the unacknowledge riots that victimized Chinese female)